Fake Friends and Moving On…

This past week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me. For the most part, everything went well in my life. I am getting ready to leave to go to Czech Republic next week and see my family. I am on top of all of my YouTube goals, and I have so many things to look forward to in the future. Unfortunately, I got caught up in some drama, and to be honest, I didn’t handle it the way I should have. I tweeted some things about how I was feeling, and while I never mentioned the name of the person or insinuated who they were, I still said some hasty remarks. I was angry, upset, and above all else, confused.

Unfortunately, this is NOT the first time something like that has happened. In the past, whenever someone who I held dear to my heart stabbed me in the back, I always became a bitter person afterwards. I’d swear off any new friendships, and I’d tell myself, “NEVER AGAIN!” But this time, I’m going to do things differently. This time I’m going to take this experience, I’m going to learn from it, and I’m going to move on with my life in the most positive way that I can. I am going to recognize that not everything that looks like a rose is a rose. Sometimes people will shower us with compliments, love, and praise, only to turn the other cheek and speak badly of us to others. This is just a fact of life, and it is something that I will have to get used to as a person that lives my life through social media. My channel exposes me to a whirlwind of crazy, negative, and spiteful people. But with that negativity, comes a ton of positivity. And for every bad person I have encountered, I have also encountered 10 other amazing people. You have to filter the bad out, and the good in. That is all you CAN do.

Every day I get mean messages from absolute strangers. People calling me a slut, a whore, and twisting words I said. I’ve gotten to that point where those strangers don’t hurt me anymore, but when it comes from a person you thought you could trust, the cut stings a little bit deeper. The one thing I will say though, if someone uses an opportunity to speak badly of you and make up lies, odds are, they never truly liked you in the first place. That hate was brewing up inside them the whole time, and the reason that person probably befriended you was to advance themselves in some way. As soon as it becomes convenient to turn you into a pawn or turn against you, they will. You encounter a LOT of these types through Youtube, and this is just something I’ve grown accustomed to.

So what do I do now? I guess as the title states, I will move on. I will not trust as easily as I once had, but I will remain friendly, kind, and gracious to people. As I get older, I slowly but surely get better at handling things maturely. Sure, sometimes I just want to SCREAM, and post passive aggressive statuses, but at the end of the day, it’s only making ME look bad. From now on, if anything like this happens I will channel it in a positive way. I will write, I will go to the gym, I will listen to music, I will confide in those I trust. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. In the end, appreciate the bad people, because they are your teachers through life.

 

 

How to NOT Catch Feelings!

DSC03321.jpg

My friend and I were texting the other day and I was explaining to her this situation with a guy that I went on a date with this weekend. Last  year I went on a few dates with this particular person, and somehow I ended up getting feelings for him. Unfortunately, this person is not the kind of person who can really reciprocate feelings back. I have this really terrible tendency of catching feelings for the type of people who can’t catch feelings back. And if they do, their feelings are usually involving my body parts, and/or vagina (lol). Yes, this is funny, but it also truly sucks, because like I have always said, you can have ten men lined up wanting to take you out, but unless the one that you want is in that line too, it doesn’t really matter.

It hurt when this man that I was beginning to like did not have the same feelings back. It also hurt because I knew that I was younger than this man, and that in some ways, he wasn’t up to my standards. Sometimes you just really can’t help who you like. Did I love him? I won’t go that far. It’s hard for me to even say that I’ve loved guys I’ve been with for years. I haven’t known him long enough to say I love him, but I definitely felt a deep attraction and connection to him. However, every time I’d talk to him, he’d clarify that he juggles women, and that they easily fall for him because he is a person that is easy to get along with.

There were a plethora of other issues with us, not to mention it being long distance, so I decided to stop being a dumbass. I knew that while this crush may be exciting and enticing in the long run, it was not good for me mentally. I could keep on talking to him, develop these feelings of attraction and insignificance, or I could just shut him out for a while, and really come to terms with reality. I have already been through so much in the past couple of years with shitty relationships, and this was honestly the last thing I needed.

I didn’t block him, and I didn’t hate him. I just simply stopped contacting him. And yes, I’d still think about him, but I reassured myself that those thoughts would soon dwindle down to none. And guess what? THEY DID! I felt so proud of myself. I wanted to pat myself on the back. I, Stephanie, had managed to get over a guy, and I didn’t even need to be a psychotic, dramatic, crazy bitch in the process. All I did was accept the reality of us going nowhere, cut off communication, and waited for my feelings to pass. And with each day, those feelings lessened. It was a freeing and wonderful feeling to be so in control of my emotions.

Was it hard? At first, yes. But I was committed to making myself feel happy and whole. You have to make yourself a priority in your life. Your happiness must be number one, because if you aren’t happy, then how are you supposed to make another person happy?

A couple months went by and I felt absolutely fine. I accepted that this guy was a part of my past, and I didn’t resent him for anything that happened. And then something weird happened: he started texting me again. At first I held back, and resisted texting him back. But then I said to myself, if I really don’t have feelings for him anymore, then it shouldn’t be a problem talking to him as if he were a friend. I began to respond to him. At first he seemed remorseful of the way things went down between us. Perhaps he felt that he pushed me away because of his own mental issues.

I saw this guy a few nights ago and we had fun. We kissed. It was romantic and cute, but the entire time I reminded myself of my own happiness. I reminded myself that I come first, and what happened with this man the first time around. I’m not saying that you should be bitter and never give second chances, but always be wary. Always keep one eye open, and always be in control of your own emotions . I left the date feeling great. I felt like I lost someone that I used to really like, but I gained a friend. I gained confidence in my own abilities to recognize a situation that would never work out in my favor.

So back to my friend, who asked me how it is that I avoid “catching” feelings. I guess my best advice would be to never put yourself emotionally out there for someone who isn’t willing to do the same. Be aware of your own self worth, and understand that if a man or woman really want you, they will do anything it takes to make it happen. You are worth that. You are worth that, and more.

 

 

 

 

The TRUTH and LIES of YouTubers

As a YouTuber, I have come under a lot of heat for exaggerating, being dramatic, using click-bait titles, showing too much skin, being an attention-whore, and the list goes on. So here is the TRUTH, because lately on YouTube, I feel like there has been less and less of the truth. I used to LOVE watching YouTube, and now I can barely stomach some of my favorite channels because I know most of it is publicity stunt BS. Some of it, I have always been aware of, because if you’ve been making videos as long as I have, you begin to learn all of the tricks or the trade. And just because I have a grasp on what really happens behind the YouTube curtain, there is no way I would ever participate in half of it.

So let me be honest with you guys. Am I over-dramatic? 100% yes. I am an actress, and a total drama queen. Always have been, and my family makes fun of me for it. It’s just how I am, and sometimes I might make little things, like dropping my slice of pizza, seem like the end of the world. I remember as a child, if anything bad ever happened to me, I’d literally start sobbing, drop to my knees, and declare to the world that I hated everyone. I am totally guilty of being a crazy fucking bitch. However, in light of recent years’ events, I have calmed down a LOT. More on that another time.

Anyways, Do I use click-bait titles? I used to be extremely defensive of myself and how I do not use click-bait titles. Oh no! I use “creative” titles, I’d always argue. I also felt that it was unfair to be accused of this considering I see YouTubers who do it to a MUCH larger extent. And not only do they do it much more than I do, but they really rank in on the views and money by doing so. Do I? Not exactly. Is that a good enough excuse for me? Not really. My titles will always have relevance to the video, this you must understand. I will never make a video about one topic, and have the title be something completely different. Will my titles be over-exaggerated? Some of the time, yes. Do I see it as a problem? No, and if you do, then go ahead and unsubscribe. No hard feelings. It’s marketing. I bought a bag of coffee grounds that said on the label “Best Coffee Grounds” (or something to that extent). Were they the best? No, they tasted like dick, but I digress.

Do I show too much skin? Yes, but I’m 25 and I will do as I please. You can literally wear a chicken costume daily, and I will fully support you if it makes you happy. We all should be allowed to live our lives the way we want to.

Am I an attention-whore? Probably. I do, after all, have a channel on the internet where I talk about my personal life. It’s not like I make videos to just sit on the internet and not get watched. I do like attention, but what human being DOESN’T? We all want to feel liked, loved, and understood. All I hope is that I can steer the attention I get to important topics like confidence, living fearlessly, and unashamedly being yourself!

In the YouTube community, where there are so many lies, I want to be honest with you guys. Because I see you as more than just my subscribers. I really don’t like to call you my subscribers. I don’t even like calling you fans, or have some other pseudonym for the word fans. Yes, I call you guys my “pizzas” from time to time, but at the end of the day, most of you are my friends. Some of you are amongst my closest friends, and my favorite people. I will always keep it real. No bullshit drama for views. None of it. Why? Because being in the position I am, with the amount of subscribers and support I receive, THE LEAST I can do, is be genuine and authentic.

 

Love,

Stepanka

How to Take the PERFECT Selfie!

IMG_1105.JPG

As much as I am ashamed to admit it, I’m kind of a selfie addict. Look at my instagram, and most of my posts either consist of Frank, food, or myself making some ridiculously serious face. Or a half smile. Or whatever the hell I’m doing in this picture. But let’s be honest, this picture is pretty cool. It captures a moment in time that I don’t look like a total mess (and trust me, that does not happen often). I like to go back to these selfies, while dressed in pajamas with my hair in a greasy bun, and marvel at how good my hair looked that day. I do not look like this every day, nor do I look like this without makeup or filters. If you ever catch yourself wondering what filters and tricks I use to make my selfies appear “perfect” then keep on reading! Bare in mind, however, that these are just pictures, and we are all just as beautiful in our non photoshopped skin!

One.

The first step to taking a good selfie is to be feeling yourself. There are days that I spend 10 minutes snapping shots of myself, and there is not a single one that I like. Yes, I am that person with 50 pictures of myself in the same outfit, doing about 20 different versions of the same face. And maybe 1 out of those 50 photos will be just alright enough to consider posting. As I type this I am shaking my head, so I can’t even begin to fathom what you guys are thinking. But hear me out! Confidence is key, and if you’re feeling fierce that day, then work it!

Two.

The second step is LIGHTING. YOU NEED GOOD LIGHTING. Now I am fortunate enough to have professional lighting due to my YouTube channel, but it has taken me practically two years to figure everything out and perfect it. Heck, who am I kidding? I still struggle with lighting. I HIGHLY recommend getting a ring light. It illuminates your face absolutely perfectly, and just makes your eyes shine. You can find a cheap one on Amazon.com for a little over $100.00, but if you really want to splurge, get the Diva Ring Light, but brace yourselves, it’s $300.00. If you’re thinking, “Stepanka is smoking drugs if she expects me to spend hundreds of dollars”, then there is an alternative. BUT, it’s going to rely on weather conditions and time of day. Utilize natural light, and every time you take a selfie, make sure that you are facing a window. Lamps can work sometimes too, but oftentimes, I feel that they make your face too yellow-y.

Three.

Filters and Facetune. I know I am a total hypocrite when I say this, but the app Facetune is the shit. I’ve spoken out before about “instagram models” photoshopping their photos. And I do think it’s a bit ridiculous for girls to be morphing their bodies. And of course, there are definitely THOSE people on social media that Facetune themselves to shit. DON’T be that person. There is a way to use Facetune to slightly enhance your skin and features without looking like someone coated you in baby powder, or made you look like an abnormally perfect alien. Let me give you some examples.

IMG_1106.JPGIMG_1097.JPGIMG_1096.JPG

The first photo is Facetuned TOO much. The skin doesn’t look natural, the eyes are too shiny and white. I see this done a lot, and I personally don’t see the point. That much editing isn’t necessary. I think Facetune should be used to lessen under eye circles and to enhance the color of your eyes. The middle photo is probably the one I would upload, but some would argue that even that is too edited. The last photo is untouched (with the exception of a filter). It really comes down to personal preference, but I think the more natural and real you look, the better!

Four.

Have a focal point! Don’t have too much going on in your photo. Make sure that you pick something to emphasize, whether it be your eyes, your lips, or your hair. Just make sure there is nothing in the background that detracts too much from your gorgeous self!

My favorite editing apps: Facetune for correcting imperfections, blemishes, and brighting eyes. PhotoGrid for adding white borders, cropping, and adding a blurred background. Color pop for creating greyscale images with a pop of color (like the photo at the top of the page). Pic Collage for creating fun collages with cool text. I use 1-2 of these apps each time I edit a photo.

And that is it. This post might seem stupid and trivial, but who cares?! Taking selfies are a great way to boost your confidence and make yourself feel fierce. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself and the way that you look. Sometimes it is okay to be a little narcissistic. It’s honestly all about having fun and feeling good. If you think all of these steps are a waste of time or seem agonizing, then no big deal! Do what makes you happy. Now go out there and take some badass selfies. Make sure to tag me in your new and improved selfie 😉

 

Love,

Stepanka

I Cheated on My Boyfriend but…

Last night, I pre-uploaded this video for the following day. I woke up this morning not sure what to expect. Almost a year ago, I posted a video about my own cheating story, where I cheated on an emotionally and physically boyfriend I had dated when I was just a teen. The video brought on an onslaught of terrible, degrading, and hateful comments. If you watch my channel, you know that I don’t filter through my comments. I let people speak their minds, because after all, that is what I do myself. However, it definitely is disturbing going through some comments and seeing people write things such as “she deserves to be raped”, or “your boobs are disgusting”. Some people even mask their ridiculous comments with sincerity, acting like they are concerned for me and my partially exposed boobs. Today, a video that was supposed to be about an experience I had with an unfaithful boyfriend, turned into a shit storm of both women and men condemning me for wearing a revealing dress.

Now, I find it ridiculous to have to try and defend myself. Why defend myself for wearing a cute spring dress on the first warm day of the year? Why defend myself for feeling good about myself? My boobs are a part of my body, and they aren’t going anywhere. I’m not going to spend my life trying to hide them, that is just ridiculous. Furthermore, it’s not like I was completely nude in the video. I find it shocking that people can stomach the half naked instagram posts of models, but my low cut dress is too much? How about Jenna Marbles’ viral video of her dancing in her bikini? Is it wrong for people of all body types (not just thin) to want to embrace and celebrate their bodies? People telling me to cover up in the comments of this video, are the same people that would cry “body shaming” at those saying “fat girls shouldn’t wear leggings” or “just because they make it in that size doesn’t mean you should wear it”. Hear me out. No one should tell you how to dress, ever, for whatever reason.

About a week ago Kim Kardashian posted a semi-nude photo on the internet and everyone FLIPPED out. I flipped out too, but for different reasons. Because WHY does everyone all of a sudden care that Kim Kardashian is naked? Doesn’t this woman have a sex tape? Hasn’t she posed nude photos countless times before? But, all of a sudden, everyone has something to say about her motherly abilities, her intelligence, etc. Why can’t a woman embrace her body, her sexuality, be a good mom, AND be intelligent? Is it so hard for people to grasp that a woman is 100% capable of all of those things. Men are allowed to be sexual beings, successful businessmen, and not a single person bats an eyelash, but the moment a woman does so, she is a dumb whore.

Anyways, I guess what I am getting at is, don’t let anyone body shame you in any way. It is your body, you are allowed to do with it as you please. Don’t let anyone tell you your thighs are too big for shorts, that your breasts are too big for that top, that your arms are too big for sleeveless shirts, that you’re too short for that dress, too tall for that skirt. If you are happy with yourself, and if you can look into the mirror and smile with confidence, then that is all that matters. Years from now, it will not matter to you what people thought. Trust me, I have spent a lot of my life trying to alter the way that I dressed, did my makeup, and acted, to PLEASE people, but I forgot about the most important person: myself.

Today, I want you to love yourself.