My friend and I were texting the other day and I was explaining to her this situation with a guy that I went on a date with this weekend. Last year I went on a few dates with this particular person, and somehow I ended up getting feelings for him. Unfortunately, this person is not the kind of person who can really reciprocate feelings back. I have this really terrible tendency of catching feelings for the type of people who can’t catch feelings back. And if they do, their feelings are usually involving my body parts, and/or vagina (lol). Yes, this is funny, but it also truly sucks, because like I have always said, you can have ten men lined up wanting to take you out, but unless the one that you want is in that line too, it doesn’t really matter.
It hurt when this man that I was beginning to like did not have the same feelings back. It also hurt because I knew that I was younger than this man, and that in some ways, he wasn’t up to my standards. Sometimes you just really can’t help who you like. Did I love him? I won’t go that far. It’s hard for me to even say that I’ve loved guys I’ve been with for years. I haven’t known him long enough to say I love him, but I definitely felt a deep attraction and connection to him. However, every time I’d talk to him, he’d clarify that he juggles women, and that they easily fall for him because he is a person that is easy to get along with.
There were a plethora of other issues with us, not to mention it being long distance, so I decided to stop being a dumbass. I knew that while this crush may be exciting and enticing in the long run, it was not good for me mentally. I could keep on talking to him, develop these feelings of attraction and insignificance, or I could just shut him out for a while, and really come to terms with reality. I have already been through so much in the past couple of years with shitty relationships, and this was honestly the last thing I needed.
I didn’t block him, and I didn’t hate him. I just simply stopped contacting him. And yes, I’d still think about him, but I reassured myself that those thoughts would soon dwindle down to none. And guess what? THEY DID! I felt so proud of myself. I wanted to pat myself on the back. I, Stephanie, had managed to get over a guy, and I didn’t even need to be a psychotic, dramatic, crazy bitch in the process. All I did was accept the reality of us going nowhere, cut off communication, and waited for my feelings to pass. And with each day, those feelings lessened. It was a freeing and wonderful feeling to be so in control of my emotions.
Was it hard? At first, yes. But I was committed to making myself feel happy and whole. You have to make yourself a priority in your life. Your happiness must be number one, because if you aren’t happy, then how are you supposed to make another person happy?
A couple months went by and I felt absolutely fine. I accepted that this guy was a part of my past, and I didn’t resent him for anything that happened. And then something weird happened: he started texting me again. At first I held back, and resisted texting him back. But then I said to myself, if I really don’t have feelings for him anymore, then it shouldn’t be a problem talking to him as if he were a friend. I began to respond to him. At first he seemed remorseful of the way things went down between us. Perhaps he felt that he pushed me away because of his own mental issues.
I saw this guy a few nights ago and we had fun. We kissed. It was romantic and cute, but the entire time I reminded myself of my own happiness. I reminded myself that I come first, and what happened with this man the first time around. I’m not saying that you should be bitter and never give second chances, but always be wary. Always keep one eye open, and always be in control of your own emotions . I left the date feeling great. I felt like I lost someone that I used to really like, but I gained a friend. I gained confidence in my own abilities to recognize a situation that would never work out in my favor.
So back to my friend, who asked me how it is that I avoid “catching” feelings. I guess my best advice would be to never put yourself emotionally out there for someone who isn’t willing to do the same. Be aware of your own self worth, and understand that if a man or woman really want you, they will do anything it takes to make it happen. You are worth that. You are worth that, and more.